---
date: "2022-05-16T00:00:00Z"
title: Marge, just about everything's a sin. Y'ever sat down and read this thing?
description: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? Books are useless! I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird," and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?
image: tabler-icons-2.29.0@2x.png
keywords:
  - bootstrap
  - guide
---

Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I'm kidding, I'm kidding. __I work, I work.__ *Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.* Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king!

## …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. Please do not offer my god a peanut. We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*

1. Jesus must be spinning in his grave!
2. Human contact: the final frontier.
3. Last night's "Itchy and Scratchy Show" was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.

### Get ready, skanks! It's time for the truth train!

We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy. I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there's too many fat children. And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

* Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!
* You don't win friends with salad.
* Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.

…And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. Dad didn't leave… When he comes back from the store, he's going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face!

Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer? Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I work, I work.

Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you're experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

I can't go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency. Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? Ahoy hoy? Stan Lee never left. I'm afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition.

Books are useless! I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird," and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me? Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman! Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

Dad didn't leave… When he comes back from the store, he's going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face! Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.

The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.

Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You're from two different worlds… Oh, I've wasted my life.

Books are useless! I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird," and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me? He didn't give you gay, did he? Did he?!

Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing. You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity.
